| Jun. 26th, 2009 @ 08:09 pm (no subject) |
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So my father has been trying to connect me again lately. My father was not around much during my childhood, was abusive, and has had serious drug, alchohol and mental health issues. In my early 20's he would contact me ever 8-12 months, and each time I would give it a chance and then it would always end in him needing something..money..a ride etc.
I did invite him to my wedding 2 years ago, but have avoided his phone calls ever since. A few years ago, a friend said it would be better for both of us if I told him I didn't want to have a relationship with him. It would be better than giving him mixed signals and relieve the amount of guilt and suffering I go through every times he tries to contact to me.
I have resisted this line of action, for a many of deep reasons, including feeling exteremly guilty and responsible for his well being.
He called last week out of the blue and left a message (because I don't answer his calls) to see if MJ and I wanted to go spend a week on a houseboat with him. Ummm...yeah...OK.
But then he joined Facebook. This is deeply upsetting for me, and I can't beleive I'm going to be one of those people who same major life event happen because of Facebook. Of course he requested to friend me. I sat on it for a couple of days because to be honest, I'm rather active on Facebook, manage a lot of my activities there and create events, etc, and frankly I don't want him being that involved in my life. I don't even tell him where I live. So, I said screw it, and I ignored him. Then I got a message "Oh, so you're ignoring me now." Then today I got another friend request with the message "please."
I think, though, that I am ready to tell him that I am not interested in having a relationship with him. I'm scared as all get out, and won't do it over Facebook, but probably in a caring, thoughout e-mail. It really seems to be the best route to go and will set clear boundarieis. It will still be hard as hell to do...but I'm getting closer to being ready.
Unfortunaly, he is not a mentally healthy, rational adult, so I'm not sure if he will go as quietly as I would like. But it is unfair to both of us if I don't have clear boundaries.
*sigh* |
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